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By: Gary Chapman. With Finding and Keeping Love , this world-renowned relationship therapist brings you the most important practices and insights from Imago therapy distilled from more than three decades of working with singles, couples, and parents. By: Harville Hendrix PhD. This groundbreaking audiobook from the best-selling authors of Getting the Love You Want and co-authors of Giving the Love that Heals is the first to address the biggest unexplored issue facing couples today: Most of us are better at giving love than accepting it.

Author David Brooks explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose: to a spouse and family, to a vocation, to a philosophy or faith, and to a community. Our personal fulfillment depends on how well we choose and execute these commitments. Brooks looks at a range of people who have lived joyous, committed lives, and who have embraced the necessity and beauty of dependence.

He gathers their wisdom on how to choose a partner, how to pick a vocation, how to live out a philosophy, and how we can begin to integrate our commitments into one overriding purpose.

By: David Brooks. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return. Skillful communication is within your grasp! By synthesizing current research in the social sciences, Schwartz makes the counterintuitive case that eliminating choices can greatly reduce the stress, anxiety, and busyness of our lives.

He offers eleven practical steps on how to limit choices to a manageable number, have the discipline to focus on the important ones and ignore the rest, and ultimately derive greater satisfaction from the choices you have to make.

By: Barry Schwartz. We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

By: Amir Levine , and others. In Atlas of the Heart , Brown takes us on a journey through 87 of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. As she maps the necessary skills and an actionable framework for meaningful connection, she gives us the language and tools to access a universe of new choices and second chances - a universe where we can share and steward the stories of our bravest and most heartbreaking moments with one another in a way that builds connection.

Nearly all of us have an ideal of what a "dream" relationship would be, but very few of us are living in one. Three decades of research and clinical practice have led Harville Hendrix to pinpoint four essential "non-negotiable" keys to creating and sustaining a healthy, loving relationship.

In this workshop, he will help couples: understand what prevents them from achieving the type of relationship they aspire to; discover how to cultivate those habits that can create the conditions that permit such a relationship to blossom; and practice the Imago Dialogue, a three-step process that offers us a highly effective tool to transform our dream about our relationship into reality.

This extraordinarily practical guide describes the revolutionary technique of Imago Relationship Therapy, which combines a number of disciplines - including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, among others - to create a program to resolve conflict and renew communication and passion. In a new chapter and afterword, we learn the key ways in which Imago Therapy - now practiced by more than two thousand therapists worldwide - can be used to help couples eliminate all negativity from their daily interactions.

This fundamental change has proven invaluable in couples' therapy, and the importance of eliminating negativity has been integrated throughout the text, allowing listeners of the edition to benefit from Dr.

Hendrix's ongoing discoveries during his last two decades of work. I really wanted to like this book, but the narrator's style was so annoying I couldn't listen long enough to get to the first chapter. His style was too dramatic and over-acted for the material and thus came across as condescending and inauthentic.

Good narration should add to, not detract from, the material being read. Unfortunately, the listening samples aren't long enough to allow one to determine whether a particular style is well suited to the content, and what may be palatable in a short sample can easily become a distraction over a longer period. If you could sum up Getting the Love You Want in three words, what would they be? I don't think three words are enough for this crazy adventure I just went on.

What did you like best about this story? I liked how this book was very thorough. The narrator explains how our brains work within our relationships in terms that are easy to understand. If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be? The Hidden Agenda of Your Subconscious! Any additional comments? Though this book seems to be written for couples who are already going through the "power struggle" and learning how to get their relationship back, I decided to give it a try.

I'm 27 and currently living with my boyfriend of three years. We have had a great relationship so far but this book taught me some of the underlying tensions that seem to develop over time.

An entire new world has just been opened to me and it has terrified me and exhilarated me. I've just learned things about my past that I've never known before and with this new information, I can move forward in my relationship with a better light.

I'm pretty sure everyone can learn something new about themselves with this book. Even if you're single and not even interested in a romantic love right now, the knowledge in this book will put what you need from a relationship in a new perspective. I highly recommend it to every human being. How did the narrator detract from the book? I will have to find time to read this book because while the content is engaging and extremely useful, the narration was distracting to the point that I just couldn't take the mismatch with the material any longer and gave up.

Garrett's style may fit the Westerns he usually narrates, but it kept making me think of car-show commercials, and I couldn't concentrate on the principles he was bulldozing through. I found this book useful, inspiring, and immediately implementable. It helped me understand myself, my wife, and what I needed to do to improve my marriage.

I would make this required reading by law for anyone married on planning to get married. I would recommend this book to anyone. The ideas here were the key to being able to really communicate about problems and appreciate the good in our relationship! No other book has been so valuable. The authors years of experience are evident! What did you like best about Getting the Love You Want? What did you like least? I liked that there are exercises you can do alone and with your partner.

How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable? Less religion. There is a whole chapter on the author's biography and how he sees therapy as a way to bring people close to God.

He needs to be neutral in order to relate to ALL his readers. Would you listen to another book narrated by Jack Garrett? Please put a pdf file for the exercises section.

It is hard to take note of the verbal instructions. A pdf list for exercises would be a well needed study addition. If you are in a relationship you need to listen to this book! Great for everyone involved. Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Jack Garrett? The author, I always want the author, they are the most authentic. Authenticity is key for a story to be believable.

Hard to listen to. Sounds like I am listening to an actor who does move trailers This book is well written, captivates my attention, is easy to follow, very informative, thoroughly answers many questions that I've long struggles with and gives me hope of having the marriage I've long wanted. It is much more than a book on relationships, it is a book on healing and becoming whole. Basic techniques to understand yourself better by looking deeply into yourself, then help your relationships with everyone, by learning to communicate better yes, i know it sounds cliche , and really, deeply understand others.

Read it, then attend his seminars. Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt in the s, imago relationship therapy helps couples - and everyone in significant relationships - shift from conflict to connection by transforming the quality of their interactions. Joining theory and practice with elegance, and filled with examples, exercises, and dialogues, this is a book no couple's therapist can afford to be without. By: Harville Hendrix PhD , and others.

The book introduced thousands to their Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. Doctors Hendrix and Hunt managed to aid scores of couples in their pursuit of more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. In The Blank Slate , Steven Pinker, one of the world's leading experts on language and the mind, explores the idea of human nature and its moral, emotional, and political colorings.

With characteristic wit, lucidity, and insight, Pinker argues that the dogma that the mind has no innate traits, denies our common humanity and our individual preferences, replaces objective analyses of social problems with feel-good slogans, and distorts our understanding of politics, violence, parenting, and the arts.

By: Steven Pinker. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize in and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie: man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than 30 years after its writing.

By: Ernest Becker. Now, he and his coauthor and wife, Helen Hunt, bring us to a new understanding of the most profound love of all -- by helping parents nurture their own development as they encourage emotional wholeness in their children.

Based on 25 years of clinical experience and new, groundbreaking research involving more than 1, individuals, Feeling Good Together is filled with helpful examples and tools, such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Relationship Journal, Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the Intimacy Exercise, and more. Using these techniques, Dr. Burns shows you how to resolve virtually any kind of relationship conflict almost instantly.

The advice is generally good and is not by itself likely to cause problems, if read carefully and critically. I heard of this book when Oprah was interviewing Alanis Morissette. They both read it and praised it and Oprah said that Stedman and she wouldn't be together anymore if she hadn't read this book. That made me interested in reading this book. I don't like to read self help books, because these books require a lot of digging and bringing out everything that is painful and they are not just some easy breezy reading, but you have to do some work.

This book makes you open your eyes a little bit more and you see things differently. You do kind of get the feeling, that every relationship will go sour sooner or later, but you mustn't run away but you have to work on your relationship. Well, his work is based on relationships that didn't work so..

I don't know, maybe he should examine the ones that do work. I think that would be a lot more thorough and realistic. I like psychology, I like to read about these topics and I think it's important that every person is in touch with it. I am obviously no expert and I have no clue about it, so I can't really judge if this book is right or wrong. This book makes sense, but is also really frustrating. The main point, that couples fight because of unfulfilled childhood issues, makes sense to a point as do his solutions.

I really like some of the exercise ideas, even though I have a sneaking suspicion I am too lazy to do them with my spouse, but I think they will work in diffusing student complaints. What's frustrating?

All too often, examples suggest women are overly talkative and emotional, and quick to anger, but not in touch with their sexual desires. This is nonsense. I really don't know that many women who fit the stereotype of women as all emotional, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and sexually repressed. On the other hand, a lot of my male companions fit that bill.

It's time for the editor and writers to interrogate their examples and flip the gendering around to make this book more for REAL people. I have to admit - frustrations aside - this book, along with all the leadership crap I'm reading - has made me think more about how and what I communicate, and what is realistic in terms of expectations of others. I just gave four stars to a freaking self-help book.

That says everything. Really, though, this book's relevance surprised me, cynic that I am about this kind of book. Harville Hendrix is heavy on the nuance and light on the cheese, and his descriptions of "fusers" and "isolaters" are incredibly useful. I determined I'm switchy with a lean towards "fuser". And the exersizes are pretty cool, too. I tend to be ambivalent when it comes to the self-help genre.

And yet, there are a few self-help books which speak to me and offer language for speaking to my clients. Overall, this was one of them. Interestingly enough, I heard a speech at my synagogue over the weekend commenting that self-help books offer no new advice and are useless unless the reader commits himself to accepting responsibility for his choices.

In fact this book's advice is arguably not new -- its points rest on the age-old premise that the only way to change your marriage is to stop trying to change your spouse and to work instead on your own issues. At the same time, the book offers some interesting insights in a highly readable tone, and even better, details several practical exercises to be done with or without your spouse, independent of a therapist, which can enhance your marriage. You need a bit of a tolerance for psychspeak dialogue, but the exercises were interesting and many sounded like they could be helpful.

I found myself thinking back on several of the couples I've worked with and wishing I could have shared some of the information in this book with them. I think this is a useful book for both therapists and laypeople interested in working on relationships.

I'm not buying this one. It seems sort of fake--I mean at one point, she suggests that you get groucho marx glasses and make eachother laugh in bed. I mean, if you have to use fake glasses and nose to make eachother laugh, is that not a sign?

I also don't buy the everything goes back to your childhood theory of marital conflict. I would start with Gottman or Esther Parel. I remember years ago, when my marriage was heading south, picking up this book and halfheartedly trying the exercises- knowing my ex would not want to have any part of it.

I still wish I'd read it at that point or after- my marriage would have likely still failed, but I may have been better prepared for the love that came after.

While I think that simply reducing relationships and areas for conflict to unresolved childhood wounds is a bit simplistic on its own, a lot of this made sense- at least for mass relationship counseling through paperback. I wish I had had the vocabulary earlier to articulate that sometimes I don't need to be right in fact, often I know what I'm saying or interpreting is absolutely ridiculous! And I need the validation from the kind of person who does not know how or does not want to give it to me.

It's really key for me- and it comes from parents who loved me and I always knew it intellectually, but didn't often feel it but invalidated my feelings from a pretty early age too. It's funny that when in instances where I get that validation early on, I am currently discovering I need it less than I thought I did. I've noticed this in my professional life, but never connected the dots before. I tend to choose people who are more passive about their lives- and I want to activate them, but at the same time I value that they can just be calm and live in the moment more than I can.

At the very least, I got some insight from reading this - and hopefully some stronger tools for being able to communicate in a way that allows me to ask for more active participation in a relationship and to be understood and empathized with while realizing that I have a tendency to be intense and overwhelming with the people I care about. I think there's a companion book for singles, and may check that out!

This book contains some good relationship advice and useful exercises. The author is a couples therapist with over 20 years of experience, whose wife is also a therapist. I found the book too heavy on psychoanalysis; it keeps talking about the wounded child in each of us, and how we select our partners because we subconsciously seek our parents or other childhood caretakers. It starts slow and is much longer than I think is necessary; several anecdotes could be removed.

I almost gave up several times before it started getting interesting halfway through around chapter 7. The author was formerly a Baptist pastor. He advocates for lifelong committed relationships. Build atmosphere of safety and trust. Close your exits, renew your commitment, and deliberately please each other. Communicate openly and effectively. Accept the negative and positive in yourself. After learning about your partner, become their healer. Focus on their needs rather than yours.

The emotions will move from unconsciousness to consciousness. You will experience unity and wholeness. Start by telling each other what acts you would appreciate. Imago Dialogue 1. Mirror: paraphrase what your partner said, with same emotion. Validate: confirm that their thought process makes sense from their perspective. You don't have to agree with them. Empathize: confirm that you understand their emotions. Connection is the main requirements for a healthy relationship.

Safety is required to form a connection. Your old brain believed that it had finally found the ideal candidate to make up for the psychological and emotional damage you experienced in childhood. The negative traits usually outweigh the positive. People can be isolators or fusers, and they often marry each other.

Isolator: someone who unconsciously pushes others away, keeps people at a distance, need a lot of space, and wants freedom in a relationship.

Fuser: person who need closeness, wants to do things together all the time, craves physical affection and reassurance, and often needs to stay in constant verbal contact. When we criticize our partner, we may be revealing an unmet need, or revealing one of our own deficiencies. Eliminate negativity from your relationship, whether overt or subtle shame, blame, sarcasm, etc. When you say something negative to your partner, apologize, then praise them by pointing out three positive things you appreciate about them.

I have to admit that I did not finish reading this book. This is rare for me -- usually I will doggedly slog through whatever book I choose to pick up, no matter how bad it turns out to be. So please understand what a thorough aversion I must have had to abandon this book after only ten days and a few chapters.

I gave it my best effort, really I did. But the love-seeking process described in this book struck me as so inherently selfish and self-serving as to leave me completely disinterested and even a bit turned off. The love process is not about one versus another, but about two people coming together.

In its attempt to provide evidence of a clinical process, this book strips the love scenario of any sense of togetherness and instead, unintentionally it would seem , creates an adversarial scenario. I'm also not a huge fan of regressive psychology.

Sure, our childhoods have colored who we have become as adults, but I think that focusing too heavily on the past stands in the way of focusing on steps necessary for the future. Reading this book, I continually found myself frustrated by this limited perspective, and searching for more practical applications to the struggles I'm facing today and don't fully understand, rather than the childhood experiences with which I'm already familiar.

So, I'm biased against this book on several counts: 1 it focuses heavily on childhood relationships as the key to adult relationships, which I find a very limited approach; 2 it displays a sort of selfishness that I find distasteful; 3 it represents the sort of pop psychology of which I'm none too fond anyway; and 4 I didn't even finish reading it.

I know many people have loved this book and have found it extremely helpful, but clearly it's not for everyone. It sat on my "to read" shelf for years until a Marriage and Family professor mentioned again in his talk at Sunstone. It has a clear and powerful premise. Our childhood and relationship with our parents subconsciously influences who we are attracted to and marry. We have the feeling this person will make us whole.

After the romantic phase wears off and most couple slip into the power struggle phase where it is painfully clear that this person is not making us as whole as we would like to be. The author is a psychologist who has worked with couples for many decades.

The method he has developed it to help couples identify what it is that they crave most in their lives. He spends most of the book leading you to his conclusion that I found very powerful.

It is that what will become most whole when we are able to learn what are partner needs and provide it for them. He suggests that we may have subconsciously picked a partner that can best help us change to become a more complete person. That this process of transformation that we undergo to meet our partners needs will make us whole.

This was a unique and powerful concept that I had never considered before. There are also a number of exercises in the back of the book to help married couples through this process. To me these were less important than the message and the thought process and self recognition that the book led me through. This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers. Show full review.

Man, I love me some good pop psychology from time to time. Hendrix posits that the dynamics of marriage are often a stage upon which unmet childhood needs are re-enacted -- with, not coincidentally, a partner who very much resembles the negative qualities of the parent s who failed to meet those needs in the first place.

The book discussed deep-seated, inaccessible memories that are written all over our brains. We're not conscious of them -- we can't even recall them on our own -- but they're there nonetheless, lurking in our subconscious, triggering an emotional response when we are in situations reminiscient of our childhood.

The first third of the book explains all this, the second third talks about how couples can address these dynamics in their marriage and improve their relationship, and the last part is a series of exercises for couples to perform together. All in all, an enlightening and potentially useful read. Kathryn in FL. One of the best self-help books I've read and I've read at least 3 dozen in my lifetime.

The book zeros in on what you as the reader identifies as important to you in a relationship using a set of questions to discover those. Then it gives examples of how that will look in action. This book, helped me realize that a man who wanted to marry, was not a good match for me. I begged him to read the book but he refused thinking I'm not sure what.

It was a sign that the issues in the relationship would not be resolved. Thus, I chose to remain unattached. After more than 2 decades, it is still a best seller with many reprints.

Skip Dr. Phil or whomever else you trust. This is such a logical and understandable book with very simple actions suggested that will transform the way you see others and yourself particularly when you communicate.

This book is revolutionary,this is A Must-read for Everyone! Every relationship you would have as an adult is affected by your childhood and your relationship with your parents or caregivers. If parents really understood how much emotional damage they do to their children,they would think twice before inflicting such a pain upon them They would have helped their children avoid years and years of failure and repeated patterns in relationships They would have tried their best to treat and raise them right!

This led me to see things through an entirely different light, not so positive for me, and made me realize my own mistakes instead of being critical of my husband all the time.

They react to their partners as if they were carbon copies of their parents, even though not all of their traits are the same. In their compelling need to work on unfinished business, they project the missing parental traits onto their partners.

Then, by treating their partners as if they actually had these traits, they manage to provoke the desired response. I will plan however to use the knowledge found here to try and moderate my own behavior and thought patterns; I already see my husband in a more positive and compassionate light than I did before reading this.

Hawra habib. I wasn't feeling the first part of this book very much, it just talked way too much about all of our relationship problems being based on our childhood wounds from our parents or caregivers. There was a lot of talk about childhood relationships. I'm not sure I was buying into all of it at all. I am not a psychologist though, but it was not what I was looking for in the book. In part two when it started talking about actual relationship behaviors and the exercises and principals I found it very interesting!

I haven't actually applied any of these but I feel like they would be very useful. They would definitely open up a lot of communication, interesting dialogue and seeing things from the other person's perspective.

I could see these parts doing a lot of good for a relationship. The thing that drove me the most crazy though was the awful gender norms portrayed in this book. The book was full of them and it was so annoying, dated and damaging!! The old fashioned stereotypes definitely need to be edited out of there. The audiobook I listened to says it was a version, so maybe they have been if you read a newer one.

I'm not sure. Jill Morningstar. My husband and I agreed to read this book over the summer. Written by an experienced marriage counsellor, the book is broken into three parts.

The first section illustrates why people are attracted to each other and the reasons why relationships become unhealthy.

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183: Real-Life Skills for Getting the Love You Want - with Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix

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